Learn to Accept Reality
“Reality” is what we take to be TRUE- What we take to be TRUE is what we believe- What we believe is based upon our perceptions- Whatwe perceive depends upon what we look for- What we look for depends upon what we think- What we think depends upon what we perceive- What we take to be The TRUTH.
The trouble is that all too often we cling to things we hold to be TRUE that simply Are NOT. If you will examine the statement above you will find it is circular in its reasoning.This is actually how the mind thinks things through a lot of the time. Our thoughts circle and circle until we come to what we believe to be TRUE. The trouble with this natural process is that it often produces FALSE “Truth”. Here are some exercises that will help. When we find the Real truth we can take actions that will produce fruitful results.
SECOND COPING SKILL
Learn From Past Mistakes
Henry Ford said “there are no failures. There are simply successful attempts that prove what doesn’t work ” Thomas Edison tried thousands of different materials until he developed the first successful light bulb. We can”t always know what the outcome of a particular action will produce. Albert Einstein said “nothing happens until something moves” We must try to act (or not act) based upon the truth as best we know it. If we are unsure about the truth of a matter, it is best to wait until the truth becomes clear.
THIRD COPING SKILL
Your feelings are Your feelings, don’t blame them on anyone or anything else. “I” statements remind us that we alone are responsible for doing the work to change our negative feelings. We alone are responsible for doing the work to change oour negative feelings and encourage our positive feelings. We have feelings, our feelings are not Us.
FOURTH COPING SKILL
Worry is useless
Actually worry is worse than useless. Worry will wear you down make you tired, hard to get along with and unsure of the most obvious truth. Shun worry like the plague! Work on some other problem that has a solution, a problem you can do something about. Don’t spin your wheels trying to solve things out of your control.
FIFTH COPING SKILL
“It Is Better To Face Facts Than Live A Lie”.
The Truth may hurt but it will hurt a lot less than a lie. The truth often brings us stinging reminders of how things really are. Lies just set us up for painful disasters we could avoid if we learn and live by the truth. “Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free” Free from what? The lies and self deception that lead us into relationships and situations that damage us. The old saying “the truth hurts” is true but the truth does not kill. Lies will kill our spirit, our souls and ultimately our bodies. To live a lie is to waste a life. Shakespeare said ” to thine own self be true” there are fewer adages better to live by.
SIXTH COPING SKILL
Recognizing the Facts
Learn the differnce between a fact and an inference. You might say “just because my friend didn’t call me today does not mean they are mad at me. “maybe being human they just forgot. Maybe they were beset with their own troubles. When you draw conclusions, ask “what are the facts” When you know the facts and then decide, you are facing reality. Remember everything is not about you!
SEVENTH COPING SKILL
Challenge Your Illogical Thinking.
Question negative conclusions such as, “just because I haven’t yet, does not mean that I can’t ever. ” Just because I’ve tried before doesn’t mean I won’t succeed this time. I may not win the $1,000.00 bonus but the $500.00 bonus wouldn’t be so shabby.
EIGHTH COPING SKILL
Allow Yourself To Suceed Your Way.
“It’s OK to be emotional, to take my time, and to respect myself. I can take as long as I need to think this through. Anytime someone pressures you to decide “right now” before it’s too late.” They know that with reflection you will see the lie behind their proposition. Don”t let other peoples emotions push you into anything. Make your own decisions.
NINTH COPING SKILL
Don’t Put Yourself Down.
Avoid listening to the “negative” messages which hold you back. They seem to spring out of nowhere but in reality they come into our mind from listening to self defeating voices.If the voices are from outside, avoid those people or ignore them. If the voices come from inside, You and you alone have control over your thoughts. Instead of having the attittude that “I’ll never make it” have the positive attitude I”ll try to succeed, if I do, that’s wonderful, if I don’t, I’ll never make it.” Have the positive attitude I’ll try try to suceed, if I do, that’s wonderful, if I don’t, I’ll gain something from trying”. A minister once set a seemingly impossible goal for a fund raising project. Many in the church thought he was crazy. Sure enough the church did not meet the goal. What they did manage in the process was to raise twice as much as that church had ever raised before. You may not win the gold but you may well win the silver or the bronze
TENTH COPING SKILL
Ask For Help
Often someone with a different perspective can show us things we couldn’t see other wise. “As iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens his friend” Proverbs 27:17 A wise man asks the opinion of others. You don’t have to take their advice, (especially if its negative) but hearing the thoughts of others will clarify your own thoughts.
LEARN FROM THE PAST
WORRY IS USELESS
CHOOSE THE PAINFUL TRUTH
DO I HAVE THE FACTS?
CHALLENGE YOUR THINKING
DON’T PUT YOURSELF DOWN
ACCEPT HELP FROM OTHERS